we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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