She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
