It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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