if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
