Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
