im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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