you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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