Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
