Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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