eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
