I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
