I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i was born a porn star she said
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
