i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
