New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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