A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Operation Purity has been aborted
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
