I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize