Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
