pop tarts are not kleenex
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
