just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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