So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
