He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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