Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My feet surprised me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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