I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
