smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I will pee on everything he values.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
