woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
