All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Let's paint friendship bongs
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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