i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
