I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
