Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
