a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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