so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
