She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
it's like heaven, but drunker
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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