you guys were way drunker than both of me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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