so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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