Is it because I queefed?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
