By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How naked do you want me to be?
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