You're so nebulous sometimes
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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