she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
