"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
