at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
