I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am spending my child support on dildos
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
