i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
