Umm I'm too high to move.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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