so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
