upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
