Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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