Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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