3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
