what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
