I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
