we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
