is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
