What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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