Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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