your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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