Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
