Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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