Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
