Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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