I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Too much gin, very little bucket
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
