help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
