i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
