i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
