I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
