how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
