It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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