she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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