Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
