I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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